Conviction Corner: An excerpt from A Half-Formed Idea

Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

 I believe that teachers, as humans, can only do so much with the time and resources given, that as overburdened as we are– 

something always gives.

Sometime this past spring, I received a forwarded email from the principal about a parent’s concern. With this forwarded email I was asked to get on the phone with this parent to touch base. I had already been emailing with her consistently, despite having been told that the issue mentioned was already cleared up between her and the principal. I was being asked to do something I was already doing, while also trying to support students who were struggling academically, and personally. 

When I look back beyond that bright, blinding betrayal, I see the long reaching shadow of regret. I regret I spent too much time in unproductive meetings, spent too much time emailing about issues that had already been addressed, on tasks that were ultimately performative. Empty. 

I regret that I didn’t spend enough of my time and attention on my students, especially the ones that needed the most. The students who are struggling to even pass, who don’t have any other time except right then and there to work with me, who don’t have access to the internet or a quiet space to work at home. 

I regret it because I carry a heavy doubt: if none of that had happened, if I had never participated in any of that, the change in outcome for those involved would have been insignificant.